That's right, you guessed it. Another unsatisfactory day in the ever-intriguing life of David Lee Miller.
Last night, DMills competed in the Pascack Valley Chips & Guacamole Eating Contest sponsored by the Aqua-Teen Hunger Force. The contest was originally scheduled to take place September 2nd, 2008, but DMills had the contest postponed until last night as he explained he needed some time to "straighten" his life out first.
The contest involved who could eat the most guacamole-covered tortilla chips in a ten minute period. Results were made official immediately after the contest, and it was determined by all five officials that DMills conclusively finished in 7th place. Hillsdale Herald reporter and longtime symapthetic DMills supporter Ryann Engel caught up with the trooper minutes after the contest:
Ryann: "So what are your thoughts on your finish?"
DMills: "I mean...(several nauseous burps)...I won't lie, normally 7th place is a respectable finish in most competitions. Think about the NYC Marathon for instance, if I were to finish 7th in that that would be great. But..."
Ryann: "I'm sorry, but did you actually just put yourself and a physical activity in the same sentence?"
DMills: "Never mind that. The point is, today, I'm very disappointed with my performance. Eating, and especially very quickly, is supposed to be the only thing I'm good at."
Ryann: "But you just said yourself that 7th place is normally a respectable finish. Why not tonight?"
DMills: "Because the contest only had EIGHT kids. And they were all teenagers. And the only one I beat is a 14 year old Korean girl who is blind and born with no motor skills named Phingermee Sloah Lee."
When asked for her opinion on her son's finish, DMills' mother Karin Miller was quoted as saying, "At least he didn't finish last, right?"
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